A signal that reaches the other person directlyHow they want to receive love: Words of affirmation
RLUEI → RLUAI
A signal that reaches the other person directly
RLUAI → RLUEI
A signal to make clearer
How they want to receive love
They want different signalsPhysical touch · Words of affirmation
Comparison by type
The love expressions you each want
The two codes' expressions overlap in only one direction. Ask each other directly which expressions you actually want.
RLUEI→RLUAI
A signal that reaches the other person directly
In the code data, RLUEI's Words of affirmation expression overlaps with RLUAI's receiving expression.
RLUAI→RLUEI
A signal to make clearer
RLUEI wants to receive Physical touch. A gesture RLUAI could try: Ask before making contact and wait for a clear yes. Respect no, and stop immediately whenever they ask, even after touch has begun.
One move today
If you both agree, try having type RLUEI express affection through ‘Words of affirmation’ and type RLUAI through ‘Physical touch’, then ask each other how it felt.
Love language
Our map of love signals
The giving and receiving expressions assigned to each type code are shown side by side. Use them to start asking each other which words and actions are actually welcome.
Love language
RLUEI
RLUAI
Quality time
Gives
Gives
Words of affirmation
Gives
Wants
Physical touch
Wants
—
Acts of service
—
Gives
Receiving gifts
—
—
Where you meet
In the code data, RLUEI's Words of affirmation expression overlaps with RLUAI's receiving expression.
Love language
Five situations for expressing affection
A personality profile is only a conversation starter. Ask each other which expressions you actually like and confirm them together.
01
An invitation to open up
1Propose
2Choose together
3Make the next plan
RLUEI → RLUAI · Words of affirmation
Familiar expression
RLUEI tells RLUAI why the invitation matters: ‘I love hearing what has been on your mind. Could we make a little time for just us this week?’
RLUAI → RLUEI · Physical touch
New expression to try
RLUAI asks RLUEI before any contact: ‘Would you like to hold hands while we walk?’ Welcome a no without pressure, and if they say yes, stop immediately whenever they ask.
What is one thing you would enjoy doing together this week?
02
Beside you on a hard day
1Ask what helps
2Choose the support
3Confirm understanding
RLUEI → RLUAI · Words of affirmation
Familiar expression
RLUEI names what RLUAI has carried: ‘You worked hard just getting through that today. I want you to know I am on your side before we look for answers.’
RLUAI → RLUEI · Physical touch
New expression to try
RLUAI asks RLUEI, ‘Would a hug help, or would space feel better?’ Accept no with ease, and even after a yes, stop immediately if they signal that they want you to stop.
Would listening, solving one thing together, or giving you room feel best right now?
03
Checking before getting closer
1Ask clearly
2Wait for explicit yes
3Stop when asked
RLUEI → RLUAI · Words of affirmation
Familiar expression
RLUEI asks RLUAI which affectionate words feel comfortable and which feel like pressure. Confirm, ‘Is it okay if I often say I like you? Please tell me whenever it feels uncomfortable.’
RLUAI → RLUEI · Physical touch
New expression to try
RLUAI names the exact kind and location of the touch and asks RLUEI, ‘May I hug you now?’ Do nothing without a clear yes, accept no without pressure, and stop immediately at any point they ask.
What kind of closeness feels good today, and what do you not want?
04
Mending after a miss
1State the facts
2Name the impact
3Choose the next action
RLUEI → RLUAI · Words of affirmation
Familiar expression
RLUEI acknowledges the impact on RLUAI before offering excuses: ‘I missed our agreed time, and that made you feel unimportant. I am sorry; next time I will message before I am late.’
RLUAI → RLUEI · Physical touch
New expression to try
RLUAI does not assume RLUEI wants a make-up hug and asks, ‘Would holding hands feel okay now?’ Accept no without pressure, and after a yes, stop immediately whenever they ask.
What happened, how did it affect us, and what will we do differently next time?
05
Drawing the next chapter
1Share wishes
2Agree on roles
3Revisit together
RLUEI → RLUAI · Words of affirmation
Familiar expression
RLUEI and RLUAI each choose one sentence they would like to hear more often. ‘It helps when you notice my effort’ gives the other something real to try and revisit next month.
RLUAI → RLUEI · Physical touch
New expression to try
RLUAI asks RLUEI which kinds of affection may feel comfortable in the future and which touch to avoid. Agree to ask every time, respect no, and stop immediately whenever either person changes their mind.
What future do we each want, how will we share the roles, and when will we revisit the plan?
Love language
A conversation about fitting your lives together
Personality types can start a conversation; the two of you decide how daily life works. Open a topic and compare your real answers.
01Money and gifts
Ask each other
When would you split a date equally, and when would each pay for what they ordered?
Check pressure and boundaries
What spending or gift price would feel burdensome, and is a return gift ever expected?
Try one agreement
Before the next date, agree on a comfortable budget and how you will pay.
02Friends and time alone
Ask each other
How much time with friends, together, and alone feels comfortable in a typical week?
Check pressure and boundaries
Can either person decline a friend gathering or the publication of a photo of you together without pressure?
Try one agreement
Protect one block of personal time each and decide how to flag schedule conflicts.
03Daily tasks and care
Ask each other
Which recurring task would each of you like to take on, and which feels hard?
Check pressure and boundaries
What sign would tell you the split has become unfair or exhausting?
Try one agreement
Choose one task to divide this week, then check the workload together next week.
04The pace of future plans
Ask each other
Which next step, travel, living together, or a longer plan, would you like to discuss now?
Check pressure and boundaries
Which decision are you not ready for or do not want?
Try one agreement
Without rushing a decision, choose when to revisit the conversation and what to ask then.
Love notes for both types
01
How they show love
RLUEIThe Novelty Seeker
When you love, your initial intensity overwhelms the other person. Once an interest takes hold you pour in all your energy, eager to explore their inner world deeply. But that intensity shifts with time, and the other person easily reads the shift as rejection. Your way of loving runs uneven, but in any given moment it's completely sincere.
RLUAIThe Heart-First Empath
When you love, you put your whole heart in. Not one small change in the other person escapes you. You catch their mood without being told, and being beside them when things are hard becomes the most important thing in your day. But this devotion sometimes takes the shape of erasing yourself. Putting your own needs last for their sake, you end up worn out without realizing it.
02
What they need
RLUEIThe Novelty Seeker
You need a partner who gives intellectual stimulation. Someone you can have deep conversations with, can explore new things with, and who can withstand your mood swings. Also, you need someone who can understand when you need time alone. A relationship that can give both safe stillness and intense connection.
RLUAIThe Heart-First Empath
You need a safe relationship. Someone who can catch a clumsy remark with “ah, I see”, someone with whom silence is not awkward, someone who will not run when your feelings swing. One line, “you can reach me any time”, is worth more to you than any spectacular romance. Stability is not a luxury for you. It is a condition of survival.
03
How closeness unfolds
RLUEIThe Novelty Seeker
Early in a relationship, you pursue the other person with great intensity and become extremely curious about them. As time passes, that intensity fades, and this sometimes leads to a crisis in the relationship. When conflict arises, you try to analyze rationally, but your emotions often take over. After a breakup, you need a long time alone to think through the experience.
RLUAIThe Heart-First Empath
Early on you approach carefully and slowly. You are not testing anyone; you are confirming for yourself whether you can truly trust them. Once trust is built the connection runs deep, and conversely once it breaks it takes you a long time to recover. After a breakup you sort your feelings far more slowly than others, and during that time scenes from the past keep resurfacing.
04
What to mind in the relationship
RLUEIThe Novelty Seeker
You need to practice believing that a relationship can last even after the initial intensity. Even when the intensity cools, comfort can fill its place, and you have to learn that this too is a valuable connection. Also, honestly sharing your emotional changes with the other person helps the relationship far more than keeping distance through silence.
RLUAIThe Heart-First Empath
The partner you need is someone who does not judge feelings. Someone who, instead of “why does that upset you so much”, can say “I see, that must have been hard”. You also need someone who understands your request for time alone as recharging rather than rejection. And you have to keep practicing saying what you need, as steadily as you hold what the other person feels.
05
What triggers the guard
RLUEIThe Novelty Seeker
When the relationship feels routine or the other person cannot give intellectual stimulation, you begin to lose interest. Also, a strong defensive reaction rises when your emotional changes or way of inquiry are called “unstable” or “irresponsible.” It is triggered when the other person keeps distance or grows cold after an intense connection.
RLUAIThe Heart-First Empath
You are wounded deeply when someone waves your feelings away with “why does that upset you so much”. It is also triggered when you ask for time alone and your partner takes it as rejection or indifference, or when they fail to notice you are struggling and move on. The biggest one is the accumulated sense of being the one who gives care without receiving it.
06
How distance shows up
RLUEIThe Novelty Seeker
When emotion rises like a storm, you tend to let it out in words or action right away. Either it pours out with a directness that feels like you're “about to say everything”, or you flip the other way and vanish into silence. Because emotion and reason fire at the same time, even you find your own reactions hard to predict.
RLUAIThe Heart-First Empath
You cannot express the feeling directly; you become quieter or act awkwardly. Rather than saying you were hurt, you repeat ‘I'm fine’ while replaying those words in your mind again and again. When the feeling becomes too intense, it suddenly comes out as tears or you leave the room.
07
What brings them back
RLUEIThe Novelty Seeker
After the intense emotion passes, you need time alone to think it over carefully. New experiences or creative work helps you recover. You feel close again when the other person reaches out to explore what happened with you. Having them stay with you works better than analysis.
RLUAIThe Heart-First Empath
Time alone and comfort through the senses help you recover: music, for instance, warm food, a space you love. When the other person offers one line, “that must have been hard”, you open quickly, and from there you can bring out what you feel a little at a time. What restores you is gentle waiting, not insistence.
Quality time
Words of affirmation
Physical touch
Acts of service
Receiving gifts