I Think Too Much, Is That a Flaw?

It took ten minutes to send one line to the group chat: “How about this place for next week's get-together?” What to put after the question mark, whether it would seem too eager, whether you should have asked for everyone else's opinion first. After sending it, you reread that sentence through the five minutes no one replies. Lying in bed that night, something you said to a coworker earlier comes back to you. “Did that sound a bit cold?” The conversation is long over, but in your head it's still going.

If you've ever wondered, “Why do I think so much?”, this piece should help. Thinking a lot can definitely be a strength. But even with the same amount of thinking, thoughts that move forward and thoughts that circle in place do completely different jobs. Let's sort out how to tell them apart and how to get out when you're circling.

01Thinking a lot means you're careful

Picturing several scenarios before deciding, considering the other person's side two or three times, preparing ahead of time for what might happen. These habits of people who think a lot cut down on mistakes and catch gaps that others missed. They also give the people around them a sense of trust: “This person really thinks about me.”

The places where this carefulness shines are clear, too. The person who plans a backup for rainy days when drawing up a travel itinerary, the one who reads a small clause in a contract one more time, the one who rereads an important apology message from the other person's point of view: they're usually the ones who think a lot. The problem is that this ability keeps running at full strength even where it isn't needed.

The way thinking multiplies differs a little by temperament. People drawn to new things spread possibilities out in many directions, so their thinking gets wider. People high in accommodation weigh how their words landed with others, so their thinking gets longer. People with a wide emotional amplitude attach feelings to a scene once it bothers them, so they call up the same scene more often.

02Thoughts that move forward and thoughts that circle

From the outside, both look exactly like “thinking it over.” But a few points tell them apart quickly.

Carefulness is a strength while you're in the left column. Once you cross into the right column, your thinking stops doing any work and just wears your heart down.

There's an even simpler test. See whether, after you finish thinking, there's a next action you can write down. If you get one line, like “Ask my team lead tomorrow morning,” it was thinking that moved forward. If you thought for an hour and there's nothing to write down, that hour was spent circling in place.

03Why do you keep circling in the same place?

Circling thoughts have a hidden purpose: reducing discomfort. The answer to “Did that sound cold?” lives with the other person, not in your head. Yet you keep thinking about it because, while you're thinking, it feels like you're doing something, and the anxiety eases a little. Thinking gets used not as a tool for solving problems but as a tool for soothing anxiety. That anxiety drops for a moment and then rises again, so you think some more, and that's how the loop forms.

On top of that, repetition is hard to see from inside your head. Even the tenth time you think the same thought, it feels like the first. So you keep feeling like the answer will come if you think just a little longer.

Not telling the weight of decisions apart is another reason. Some decisions can be undone and some are hard to undo. Changing jobs or moving is worth thinking about for a long time. But the place for a get-together or the question mark at the end of a message, if you get it wrong, you just change it next time. People who think a lot often carry these two kinds of decisions with about the same weight. Spend heavy-decision amounts of thinking on light decisions, and your mind is always overheated by the end of the day.

There's a clue between the outer you and the inner you, too. People who think a lot often seem quiet and calm on the outside. That's because they filter what they say internally before letting it out. Even if only one sentence comes out, ten sentences have already gone back and forth inside. The filter that counts as carefulness during a conversation becomes a rewind button once the conversation is over. The farther apart the you around people and the you alone are, the more you filter before letting anything out.

04Five ways to get out of circling thoughts

05How not to read this

Thinking a lot doesn't mean you're timid or indecisive. Cutting down on circling thoughts isn't about becoming less careful, either; it's about using your carefulness where it's needed. And it doesn't mean people who think less are happier. People who decide quickly make their own kinds of mistakes.

That said, if worry keeps you up night after night, or you've been stuck on the same thoughts for a long stretch and can't focus on work or studies, don't try to sort it out all on your own. Talking with a doctor or a counselor is also a good way to get your thoughts out of your head.

06Keep the carefulness, cut the circling

Thinking a lot isn't a flaw to fix. Just noticing which way your thoughts are flowing lets all that thinking turn into strength as it is. If your thinking stretches out especially long when a decision is in front of you, read Can't make decisions, am I just indecisive?, and if thinking keeps pushing back the moment you get started, read I keep putting things off, am I just lazy? too. If you look at the you around people and the you alone separately in the free personality test, it'll become a little clearer where your carefulness shines and where it holds you back.